I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to make out with him forever
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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