Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
