When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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