I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
