Non-Jews are for practice
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
