You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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