She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
