You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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