Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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