I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
