i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
