I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
