Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
