i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
