i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
