Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
