JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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