Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
