Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
