Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
