What a fucking waste of an outfit
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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