I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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