All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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