Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
