I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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