I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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