I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Randomize
