with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
