I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
