Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
