Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
