i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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