I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
