Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
