I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
