The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
another moral hangover. fuck.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
