i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
