My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to make out with him forever
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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