How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
