Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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