Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
