is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
