no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
