Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
