i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
