Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
