Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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