I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
