Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
