Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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