Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
