I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
