You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
pop tarts are not kleenex
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
