My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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