I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
