but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
